Remembering myself
as a teen, it was tuff. I remember my mom mentioning few things and suggestions
but she never really had “the talk” directly with me. I really wish I had more
knowledge and guidance throughout my teen years. Once I have children, I will definitely
guide them with knowledge and support that will encourage them to make better
decisions. Here is my scenario that I came up with after talking to moms who
have teenagers.
I
believe parent should have “the talk” with their child in the comfort of their
home. That will create a comfortable environment for a child without the
awkwardness or embarrassment of being out with their parent in public. Home is
just more suited choice to both the parent and the child where the atmosphere
is not pressuring.
Parent: (Name of a child/nickname) do you
have a minute to talk? We can do it over a snack on the coach?
Child (may say the fallowing): Can we talk
later/ not right now/ okay but just few minutes
Try being encouraging when you approach your child
the first time with “the talk.” A good time to talk with your child is when you
start to notice their interests in the opposite sex, the sooner the better.
Once you see them blush in front of the opposite sex, that’s one of the clues
that your child is ready for the correct guidance.
Parent: I noticed that you have an interest
in that boy/girl the other day? Do you like him/her? Don’t be shy. You can tell
me anything. Mom/Dad loves you very much and there is nothing you can’t tell
me.
Child may answer the following: Yes/I don’t want
to talk about this/ might get shy and embarrassed/ might take an interest in
the conversation/ yes can you help me to talk to them or how do I approach them
Don’t be afraid
to talk to them because they’re your children. If you don’t educate them the
other children will and probably already have. If you act
nervous, uncomfortable, silly or shifty, the kid will pick up on that and you
will lose most of your influence.
Parent: yes
my love I will help you. Let me mention few insights that you might already know
and this might be uncomfortable but I am here for you and nothing is more
import then your safety. I can’t make choices for you but I can encourage you
to make smart choices. Now, no mom/dad me but just trust me that I have been
your age once and I understand what you are going through. It’s natural to feel
feeling for someone. Those feelings might spark an interest of exploring and
even lead to sex.
Child might
interrupt: But mom/dad I really don’t want to talk about this/ mom/dad I already
know this.
Be
upfront and practical. No beating around the bush and doing cutesy stories.
Tell your child that you will listen to all their questions without being judgmental,
jumping to conclusions, or laughing at them. You want to create an open line of
communication. This is important and if you don’t then someone else will. Tell
them that no question is foolish and let them know if you don’t know the answer
you will look it up and find out.
Parent: I know
son/daughter that you might already know. I am not challenging your knowledge. I
just want to stay connected in your choices and that you will trust me enough to
share whenever you are in trouble. I want to be certain that you know that I am
also your friend and that you can trust me. I want to make sure that you are
being safe when you decide to start having sex. I am not against your choice if
you want to start to have sex. I just want you to trust me and ask important questions
about sex.
Child: okay mom/dad. Do
you promise if I ask you few questions you won’t laugh at me?
Parent: yes of course. There
is not a single question that isn’t important.
Child: how do you know
that you are ready to have sex? Like when is the right time.
Parent: The best time
is when you get married. But if you think you are ready sooner just let me
know. You will know once you are in love
with someone and you feel an emotional connection. Then you can decide if that
is the right time for you. Don’t ever feel
like you are pressured to do anything when you are not ready. Please talk to me
when you feel pressured.
Child (older teenager): I am thinking about having sex and I wanted to talk with you about
that decision. What do you think about me having sex for the first time?
Parent (supportive): I feel if you say
that you are ready then you are. I can’t stop you. I want to support you on
your decision. I do want to make sure you are using proper birth control
method. Do you know about birth control methods?
Child can go either way: I do/ I don’t.
Can you help me/ I have already spoken to my friends but can you clarify that for
me please.
Parent: it’s important that you are
aware that are lots of different STD’s out there and it’s important to use a
condom for protection against those diseases and chances of getting pregnant/getting
someone pregnant.
Show them how to Google for answers to questions.
One of good examples is WebMD. Also, pick
up information from your doctor’s office on STD’s and teen pregnancy. Doctors
have a lot of resources. There are over thousands STD’s out there and most do
not have symptoms that show up for years. Recommend them to read few books such
as:
- Boundaries In Dating by Cloud and Townsend
- Teen Love on Relationships by Kimberly Kirberger
- How painful is sex the first time?
- How do you know when you're really ready for sex?
- I am thinking about having sex and I wanted to talk with you about that decision. What do you think about me having sex for the first time? Or I am thinking about having sex and I wanted to talk about birth control, including condoms.
The above
was a simple scenario that can go just as smooth or it can be a little tenser
but it’s all how you approach the subject. Every teenager is different so is
the parent. Approach your child with love and understanding that you were once
a teenager yourself and that is time to put back those shoes once again.
